taxes, and the work yet to be done

I did our taxes the other day, and got a special thrill out of the fact that it was our first year filing as a married couple. I also got a special thrill at the amazing refund we ended up with – a perk of two people living on basically one income. Having that recognized by the government was awesome. With glee I tweeted and posted on fb about it and then I happened to spot this update on facebook:

Lambda Legal Gay and married? Not on your 1040. Don’t let the IRS break you up – download our relationship disclosure statement and tell them you’re together!

Talk about losing the wind out of your sails. I’m humbled, and depressed.

These guys? Are they not as married as I am?

married in DC on 11/5/2010

And these ladies? Or these?


I mean not like it just occurred to me yesterday that discrimination exists and it sucks. I just can’t believe how easily I forget, because it’s not something I have to deal with every day. I’ve got my thingy in my margin, I like to consider myself an ally. That’s not enough. I want to make a difference. The injustice is often on my mind but the action just isn’t.


Mary says she doesn't think she ever even wants to get married. And that's ok. But she should have the right to choose not to.

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5 Responses to taxes, and the work yet to be done

  1. Kerry says:

    You could take a portion of your refund and send it to a gay-rights organization of your choice…or maybe just tweak this blog post into a little essay and send it around to alternative lifestyle mags to see if someone will publish.

    I definitely understand what you are feeling. It is difficult to look at a problem without a sense of agency, having “something to do” give us all the energy to keep up any fight.

    • d-day says:

      thanks Kerry! sometimes the simplest answers are the best (hello donation to gay rights orgs, how did I not think of that). I’ll think about the essay idea too.

  2. Jo says:

    Excellent thoughts Kerry!

    I was so humbled by this yesterday when talking with my friend about her wedding plans next to a lesbian friend of ours. I felt awful after thinking about it and even though our friend didn’t mind, it made me angry that this injustice is there.


  3. Sarah says:

    I ran into this the other day. I had sent a very dear friend an email asking for her girlfriend’s information so that I could address our wedding invitations and make sure I had her name spelled correctly for the place cards, etc.

    About a day later, my friend retweeted something about a musician who proposed to his girlfriend, but they’re refusing to set a date until marriage equality exists in this country, and then I felt like an insensitive chump.

    We have our white knot badge, we’re including a statement about equality, but we’re not exactly protesting until everyone has the same rights.

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