a kick in the pants

Meg’s news today gets me so PUMPED. I’ve been looking around for cans to kick all day, just to let it OUT.

I don’t necessarily aspire to the same things as she does, but I sure as hell aspire to not do what I’m doing currently. But I feel like my negative attitude toward my job is only making it worse, so I’m going to try to change the way I think/talk about it. My job is.. not bad. It’s fine. It’s good. OK I’m really struggling to work up the enthusiasm but at least I’m not saying it’s terrible. Which is what I have been saying up till now.

What I do is write a newsletter and plan events as part of a local mission to reduce traffic in a very specific urban district. My job is partially publicly funded in a complicated way – just enough so that I have to deal with a bit of bureaucratic blahblahblah. And if you can keep a secret: I’m overpaid. Probably why they’ve managed to keep their hooks in me for the past three years. It’s really hard to leave a (mind-meltingly boring) job when the economy is crumbling around you, particularly when you don’t have an amazing creation of yours that blossoms into a full-time career. Heh.

I have lots of goofy interests that deep-down I wish could turn into an actual revenue stream, but deeper-down I kind of know I don’t have the drive to do those things. I love my holga, I love cameras in general, but to become an artiste? EH. I don’t think that’s really what I even want, it’s just an ideal me that exists in a fantasy world (along with the me who writes romance novels, and sells things on Etsy, and and). Some people are really just meant to be hobbyists, and I’m ok with that!* It just sure would be nice to have another source of income. Am I wrong? AM I WRONG. (sorry just watched the big lebowski a couple days ago)

Anyway Meg’s post kicked me in the pants a little bit. Yeah I could sit here whining about my boring job I get paid too much for (??), or I could do something about it. Before this job, I used to get a lot out of working, I need to find that again. Either in the form of a new job, or a new outlook on current job.

*probably sounds like I’m trying to convince myself that my dreams aren’t worth striving toward. But I think I really am just being realistic, and I don’t think I’m just telling myself that.

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5 Responses to a kick in the pants

  1. meg says:

    Kicking CANS!!!!!

  2. Sharon says:

    I read this and kept nodding, because this is exactly how I feel right now (if you swap out overpaid-for-not-dream-job for overpaid-for-grad-program). And I get you on the whole looking at hobbies thing and wondering if I could or even would want to try to pursue them as full-time work.

    (I also wonder a lot about whether or not I just suffer from grass-is-greener syndrome…)

    • d-day says:

      yep I wonder about the grass-is-greener syndrome too! are you still feeling iffy about your grad program? I should probably go catch up on your blog, hmm? thanks for visiting over here, it’s always good to know I’ve got peers in the what-am-i-doing department. :)

      • Sharon says:

        Yup, still feeling iffy, though after a long talk with my best friend on the phone the other day, we’re concluding that it has to do more with “Everyone I love lives so far away and making new friends take so much time” than total dissatisfaction with academia. (Though there is some. Dissatisfaction, that is.) I think I’m just starting to realize that I am really really relationally-driven and it’s hard for me to be away from my loved ones even for the sake of a savvy career move. (Though how savvy is a humanities PhD these days?!)

        Anyway. Yes, I should post more about this on my own blog and not hijack the comments on yours!

  3. Jo says:

    Oh, you’ve got peers.

    There is a whole lot of talk around me right now because the economy is so poor, wondering if it’s okay to switch from a job where you’re comfortable financially yet miserable to a risk. We’re currently doing it, and almost everyone else I know is as well. It’s calculated for us, but worth it. And I think if enough of us do it, it’ll be good for the economy and turn things around some.

    Alan Greenspan might differ, though.

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